What're YOU Loookin' At?

So I have lots of work to do for my college classes. I know, huge failure. By the time I graduate, the kids who I thought would never graduate will have graduated. I don't think you comprehend how depressing that is. Logan, the alcoholic trainwreck from my fraternity will graduate before me. Logan always wore sunglasses, no matter the occasion. He also huffed fumes from a liquid he stole from his 101 chemistry class that he thought was "ether" and he has also drank his own puke before, although, by accident. Despite all of this evidence why he should not graduate college period; he will graduate before me. My degree will be in shitty American-English, and his will be in sports management, but thats not the point. He will have accomplished something that is actually meaningful before me. How is this possible? There are things in life that can baffle you. For example, why would you bring a baby to a library, or why would I eat cheetos and then use the public computers at said library, so my cheeto fingers leave orange fake cheeze all over the keys. I usually don't eat cheetos because it makes me look like the typical fat guy. I have orange all over my mouth and hands and I know people are thinking "damn fat guy, breathing all my air and shit. I can't even breathe. Oh My God, hes eating some more. I gotta git outta here". Its also depressing when the sight of you can make someone claustrophobic. We were outside at the time too. I wanna yell out, "its not my fault!!! Why do you make food so goddamn delicious then". When foreign people see me they just think I'm another typical American, and they couldn't be more correct. I am very American in the sense that I love apple pie. And Mcdonalds. Its delicious. Those stupid fucking Europeans, they act so cool. Like I met these Germans the other day, and they thought they were so hot to trot when I walked by. Little did they know their accents make them sound extremely gay in America. This is our conversation.

Dieter: Oh JA Fritz, jozt look at diz von. Hez a little porky iznt he?
Fritz: haha, he iz da schweine. haha, ja, ver dew you think yohr goink, little porky?
Me: What the hell? You two sound like the bad guys from Die Hard.
Fritz: you shut your mowss, little porker. Vee Germans are ze most efficient, ja?
Dieter: oh Fritz, du bist meine alle. Ich habe so viel liebe fur dich. Hast du ein Mann? Ja oder nicht meine Vaterlilly? Mein klein Schnitzel. Ich mocthe dich mit maple seerop ooooh......
Me: ........?
Fritz: Oh Dieter, du bist ein joker, jeden tag du bist ein joker.
Dieter: Ja, eine joke. Ein kleine laugh. Everee von like ein joke (sigh)
Fritz: Ja, hahah. Zank Gott vee dew not live in diz hellhole called Michigan. Ich wurde mein kopf brechen.
Deiter: Let uz leave dis fatty-cake fur some anee-mahls to eat. haha, ein bisschen zu essen?
Fritz: Ja, auf vierdersehen porky!

And thats about it. I'm subjected to abuse everywhere I go, from basically everyone. And I know what you're thinking, and yes, I was in a frat. I was the token fat guy. You always needs a token fat guy. I'd be at all the events where a token fat guy was necessary. Anyway, Goddamn Logan, I'm gonna go slash the tires on his jeep.