It had to be done...

Ever have those days where you wake up, and you think, "today is gonna be great"? Me too! That feeling usually ends when I realize that I'm feeling so good because I overslept and that I missed work/class/My birthday/final exam/the apocolypse ect. It happens a lot to me. I think someone is unplugging my alarm clock. Ok, I wont even lie, I don't own an alarm clock. They are so old fashioned. I usually just drink excess amounts of liquid before I go to bed, so that the sudden urge to pee will wake me up in time to go to class. While I'm on the subject, I wonder if anyone else in the world regrets not peeing before leaving the house. This happens to me too frequently. I'll be out the door and in my car when suddenly I'll think, "man, I should've pee'd before I left". That usually ruins my whole car trip. Of course I'm not gonna run back inside to relieve myself, because then somehow I'll end up checking my email, whats on tv, whats in the fridge, whats on cnn.com, who stole my funyuns ect. Lately checking my email has been a pain. Everyday I get like 10 messages from some African prince/princess telling me that they want to split their entire fortune of ancient cursed gold with me before their evil father and/or brother comes and steals their money. All they need from me is to send $100 to zimbabwe so they can open a joint account. Oh, and they also need my social security number. I wonder how they got my email address. It must have been when I signed up for that contest at the bar in downtown detroit to win Tiger's tickets. I don't even like the Tigers. I also wonder why they think I'm muslim. Its weird. Every message begins like this...



Hasalasa-lakam (which isn't even correct),

Greetings to you fellow islamic MALE. I am an African princess sworn to Allah and the Quaran. I am rich but my evil brother wishes to kill me and steal my wealth. Everyday he tells me, "I will one day kill you maybe. I chose you to share my riches before my probable, inevitable murder. If you wish to possess the riches of my father , Jafar, you must do exactly as I say. Kindly send $100 U.S. dollars to 245 Hope Drive, Los Angeles Ca, 90078. I will open a joint account for you, and deposit the gold into the account somehow. I will also send you my magic carpet that my husband Alladin found in the Tiger sand cave. By the way, would Bank of America work for you? I am not sure if they have hidden charges. And send me your social security number holmes, cause my hombres can use that shit. I mean, praise be to Allah the merciful, the creator of all things. I wish to hear from you soon, unless I am dead, and its your fault. If you need me I may be in Mecca visiting my relatives Carlos and Jorge.

Sincerly

Hector....I mean, Ashanti.



Ok, I know what you're thinking. And you're right, I didn't add enough detail. That and I kind of exaggerated the part where the author of the message did not know how to use the backspace button. I'm thinking he used a type writer and scanned it in to his computer, and then sent it. Or maybe he has one of those devices that types when you talk. Thats a possiblility. The other problem with my sample letter is that at the end it seems as if a Central American man had actually written the letter in order to get his "hombres" into the country. I know, dumb. The only other problem I see with the sample letter is that LA's zip code isn't 90078. I think I heard that from Amerca's Funniest Videos. I think thats the zip code for where you send your tapes. Not that I've ever sent any in, only to be told that I didn't make the cut. Why Tom Burgeron, Why?