My Friends

Lately I've been noticing that I really don't fit in with my group of friends. They're skinny, well to do, extremely awkward people, and well, I'm fat. The other night though, I realized something. The feelings of discontent that I'm harboring towards my friends as of late are not because I think that they are better than me. Thats a girl thing. Girls don't like other girls unless they can find numerous flaws with the other girl. Follow me? Ok, well, take a look at two best girl friends. Sure they look really close and happy, but I guarantee you that both girls have some mean thing to say about each other. If they ever got in a fight, all of repressed incredibly catty, mean thoughts would all fly out. Like, "at least my nose doesn't look like Tucan Sam's" or "you wear so much makeup I cant tell if its you or Eddie Munster". So yes, girls will only hang out with girls that they feel superior to. Thats just the way it is. Thats why there are ugly sororities, and hot sororities. The ugly girls and the hot girls could not mingle. The ugly girls would be too jealous and angry all the time. * ugly girls please note that I would still date you, and in fact, have dated you. Do not hate me for giving facts. Anyone could look this up online, I mean, SOMEONE had to do a study on this. Where are my tax dollars going? Anyway, back to my feelings of irrepressible anger towards my few awkward albeit, good looking friends. I was saying, no, its not cause I'm fat and they're skinny. Theres more to it than that. I think its because I have sense of fashion for my age/body/gender, and they do not. For example, I wear sweat pants and T-shirts that say "big dawg xxxl" on them everyday. Why? Because I'm fat, asshole, thats why. My friends though, they wear some weird clothing. I'm not sure where they get their fashion tips from. Probably this guy:

You see, every time we go out, it really annoys me that people stare at us. I get that a lot anyway. Like "oh mommy look at the fat guy" or "wow mommy look its an enormous land monster". this is different though. Its more like, "look at those guys...what the....why would they...wha....aand who is that fat guy with them?". Walking around with them has made my sex life go from bad to negative. Girls are calling me up and asking me if I'll go with them to have our memories erased. Even if they don't remember, the thought of me knowing what we did is bad enough for them. Anyway, here is a picture of my friends before we walked into a club in downtown Royal Oak.

I was the one taking the picture. Obviously no one talked to any females that night.

So I stopped hanging out with this particular group of friends, which is kinda leaving me short on people to hang out with/leach onto for some sort of human companionship. I have my "psycho weirdo" friend from the gym, and this guy who lives a couple house down from me. He has no personality, no social skills, a limited vocabulary, hes creepy, and he has a bowl cut. basically he is the prototype for the bad guy from "No Country For Old Men". This is a recent picture of my friend George from down the street.

I think you can ascertain why I don't really want to socialize with this guy. I'm afraid that I am more of a chick magnet than he is. I think if he met a girl, he would have no clue what to say. He'd probably just end up telling her that hes a serial killer, not like she didn't already know that, George. I mean, have you looked in a mirror lately? So I guess if all else fails I'm gonna have to go out with my pseudo-homosexual friends if I want to have any sort of human interaction. I just wish they'd stop using English accents. I just wanna say one time "I thought you grew up in Holly, Michigan, Doug....and why are you dressed like one of the members of depeche mode". I know the only time these guys get girls is around or during Halloween. Well, unless I want to get murdered ( by George) or raped AND murdered (by my weird gym friend) I guess I have to put up with my other weird friends. Its just hard knowing that I have this to look forward to this weekend...